@Grinning_Bobcat Figured.

This server has a bunch of sad sushies that need to be rolled and hugged.

I could use a hug or two!

Lucky you Soviet. Wish it was like that for me.

My suicide attempt was because of my ex. She's not really normal and she was kinda suicidal because of the harassment from her ex. She's dumb as fuck to still talk with him. I loved her so much and vice versa that we couldn't go a day without each other. If she would be gone then the same would be with me. I'm glad we are both still alive. She fucked up our relationship for a great deal. I still have a heart for her. Honestly if I were to meet her when I get to Croatia then I know what will happen. Going into a relationship with her again is a big no.

I wouldn't go back to that. It would be a BIG mistake.

..and I won't because I know she'd lie to me like always. All the good times are fading away in my mind. I can't even remember our last kiss. But goddamn I miss kissing her. That's one of the things I can't forget. I know that if I ever meet her after everything I know a kiss will fly by. It will be either me or her but I think she would be the one that would trigger it and I want to avoid that.

Dodge that bullet, lol. Oh well, things will be okay.

Feeling a bit alone here. In my two weeks of leave i got used to seeing my mom and her side of the family, now I'm miles away again...

I know that feeling.

Im feeling better

My depression and bad thoughts are clearly in the drivers seat lately, 6 and 7 times a day i have repeated bad thoughts. Unfortunately Craftymynes is bringing me no relief lately since the reset. I get more frustrated and depressed daily. Constantly feeling alone and without friends. I am seriously considering quitting CM all together.

Not all the time

Oh okay lol

@humfrydog My depression and bad thoughts are clearly in the drivers seat lately, 6 and 7 times a day i have repeated bad thoughts. Unfortunately Craftymynes is bringing me no relief lately since the reset. I get more frustrated and depressed daily. Constantly feeling alone and without friends. I am seriously considering quitting CM all together.

You should see me here in Germany. I'm near on quitting my job, more like getting fired for bullshit.
I was talked behind my back even tho I did mistakes in the beginning. They realized I ain't no asslicker.
I will actually quit the job by myself, like I did almost a year ago.

I have absolutely zero friends here. There's this guy Jan but I'm not keeping any hopes on keeping the friendship, it was more based on working mates when I was cleaning the kitchen, he's cooking stuff there.

Then there's this girl I like, most likely she likes me too. We don't even know each other's names lol.
She works as a security guard at Continental's doors so we don't have time to talk. All I do is check in and out. She always smiles at me.

Then this issue with my dad, who fucked up the entire family by cheating on my mom after 34 years of marriage. I saw his new lover in the elevator and he wanted me to go with them. I refused and used stairs.

Then all the shit broke loose, we literally argued at our workplace. He was cold as fuck on me.

I don't see that girl so often but when I told her "I didn't see you around for like a week."
She replied: "Yeah I was sick and had night shifts. You're lucky because I'm working on daylight all week."

Idk what was that supposed to mean but she could be a really good friend tbh.
If I get a job as a security guard at the same place where she is, I can keep in contact with her.

The leader of all security guards including her at that place is my neighbour so all I need is to learn German and that'll take a few months. It's a process that needs to be done. :)

For the last one month I've been extremely depressing(not literally) and it's horrible.
I'm glad my mom will move to Germany and work here in like 7-8 months.
I hope she'll get a job here. She's always been there for me. Saved my life once.

I feel like shit when I'm near my dad. It's like I never had him in my life.

Shit's ridiculous.

Well I thought I might weigh in here with some words of wisdom(?) for my craftybruvvers. I too have wrestled with dark thoughts. Governing your personal psychology takes practice and discipline. But don't think you are alone in this, all men have demons. The trick is to keep them in the bottle.

I was helped greatly by the Tibetan Book of the Dead, some of it I shall be paraphrasing.

First you need to understand your pain. It stems from your feeling of loss and your attachment to what is lost. This could be anything. The most common is when a relative dies, we feel grief, but it is crucial to understand that your grief comes not the fact that your relative has died, but from the fact that YOU have lost access to them. Whatever support, material or emotional, that may have been forthcoming in the future had they survived has been deprived from YOU and that is why you feel loss. This is why, the closer the relative or friend that is lost, the harder the grief is to bear. This is the most common form of grief we all have to bear. Most will come to acceptance soon though, as the passing is undeniable, especially after the funeral.

But some losses are harder to accept. What if you had a attachment to an idea you didn't even really know you had? For example, you may have had an idea for a chosen career and it didn't work out. That would count as a loss. You might be trying to play it down and pass it off (mainly to yourself) as not such a big loss. But if you don't accept your loss and move on it could be a permanent drag on your subconcious and cause a depression.

The key to all this is acceptance. You need to be self aware of your attachments. That way its much easier to write off failures and learn from your experience.

Doge, It seems to be (although I could be wrong, cos I'm not you, but based on what I've read...) That you are suffering loss because of the destruction of mental image of you Father. Bearing in mind that the Father is an archetype, and yours isn't living up to it. You need to accept that your Father is only human. Accept what he has done, or hasn't done. It might not be pretty, but its real.

Examine your own conduct. You are in clear violation of rule 5. When you refused his invitation into that elevator you basically dissed him in public. In his mind he offers the olive branch and you threw it on the ground. This gives him no choice but to shit all over you, otherwise he looks weak. (Our Fathers outrank us, and always will. Accept it.)

Men, never argue with your fathers or question them in public. In private you can go all out, just so long as what was said remains between you two. Rule 5 makes the top 10 for a reason. Make life easy on yourselves.

Develop interests (outside of Minecraft) and form friendships with the men you will meet while pursuing these interests. As for the girl, invite her out for coffee, if shes says yes great. If no then I wouldn't spare her another moments thought. You can try, but my advice is you cant make friends with Eve then expect her to come through for you in a tight spot. She wont. Men for friendship... women are for something else...

I hope this helps.. Probably not much at first

Of course if after you have considered all this and still want to kill yourself, take comfort in the fact that we are all going to die eventually anyway, so you might aswell stick around to see if anything interesting happens in the meantime

"There is nothing extraneous that that which originates (from the mind)
Therefore you must examine your own mind, questioning its nature again and again"

Yours sincerely

Some geezer